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Fiona Apple of My Eye

Before she removed her music from TikTok, I heard Fiona Apple for the first time while scrolling through the never ending For You Page. I can’t quite remember what video was using the audio, but if I can guess, I’m assuming it’s some sort of Lana Del Rey or Girl, Interrupted fan edit. Ever since, I have not been able to shut up about Fiona Apple.


Life and Career


Fiona Apple McAfee-Maggart was born on September 13, 1977 in New York City. Her mother, Diane McAfee, and her father, Brandon Maggart, met when they were both cast in the Broadway musical Applause. Her mother’s mother, Millicent Green, was a dancer and her mother’s father is big band vocalist, Johnny McAfee. Talent is quite literally in Fiona’s blood.


As a child, Fiona trained classically on the piano and began composing her own pieces by the age of eight. Her musical talent along with her incredible ability to write led Fiona to a legendary career.


It all started in 1994, when she was just 17 years old. Fiona’s friend was babysitting for music publicist Kathryn Shenker. This friend gave Shenker Fiona’s demo tape then she passed the tape along to Sony Music executive, Andy Slater. Slater then signed Fiona to a record deal.


It was only two years later when she released her debut album, Tidal. The album sold 2.7 million copies and was certified three times Platinum in the United States. The hit song “Criminal” reached Top 40 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. Despite its popularity, the song brought a lot of controversy for the young performer.


The song itself did not spark controversy, rather the music video for the song. The video, directed by Mark Romanek, portrays a young, very frail and thin Fiona singing to the camera in a dimly lit room that looks like the morning after a bender. There are half naked bodies laying on the ground and Fiona is taking off her clothes layer by layer. Fiona was barely an adult, making this video extremely provocative and inappropriate in the public’s opinion. However, this is exactly what the song is about.


The song literally opens with the lyrics:

I’ve been a bad, bad girl

I’ve been careless with a delicate man

And it's a sad, sad world

When a girl will break a boy just because she can


She then goes on to sing:

Heaven help me for the way I am

Save me from these evil deeds

Before I get them done

I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand

But I keep living this day like the next will never come


And isn’t that exactly what happened?


Despite its controversy, “Criminal” won a Grammy Award for Best Female Rock Vocal Performance in 1998. This is because of Fiona’s raw emotions that shine through her music and create an emotional connection and bond with the listeners.


Her emotions are raw and real in the second single from the album, “Sleep to Dream.” Fiona accepted the MTV Video Music Award for Best New Artist at the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards for this song. Another “controversial” moment for her.


During her speech for this award, she said:


"I didn't prepare a speech and I'm sorry. But I'm glad that I didn't, because I'm not going to do this like everybody else does it. 'Cause everybody that I should be thanking, I'm really sorry, but I have to use this time. See, Maya Angelou said that we, as human beings, at our best can only create opportunities, and I'm going to use this opportunity the way I want to use it. So what I want to say is everybody out there that's watching, everybody that's watching this world. This world is bullshit! And you shouldn't model your life—wait a second—you shouldn't model your life about what you think that we think is cool, and what we're wearing and what we're saying and everything. Go with yourself. Go with yourself."


While her speech had powerful meaning behind it and would’ve been celebrated today, the media destroyed Fiona for this. Treating her like an ungrateful brat for not telling kids to idolize people who were fake and full of it.


Fiona’s second album When The Pawn… was released in 1999. The full title of the album is a poem that Fiona wrote after reading a letter that appeared in Spin magazine regarding an article that had cast her in a negative light in an earlier issue. The full title is:

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king

What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight

And he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring

There's no body to batter when your mind is your might

So when you go solo, you hold your own hand

And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land

And if you fall it won't matter, cause you'll know that you're right".


When it was released, it had the world record for the longest album title.


This album was certified Platinum, and sold one million copies in the U.S. The song “Fast As You Can” reached Top 20 on Billboard’s Modern Rock Tracks chart and became Fiona’s first Top 40 hit in the UK. The song "Paper Bag" was nominated for Best Female Rock Vocal Performance for the 2001 Grammy Awards. She wrote this album while famously dating Paul Thomas Anderson and he directed the music videos for “Paper Bag” and “Limp.”


I would love to say “Paper Bag” is my favorite song off this album because I have paper bags tattooed on my arm in honor of the song, but it’s truly impossible to choose a favorite song off this album. I love “Paper Bag” because I believe it shows Fiona’s brilliance and highlights her writing ability and talent as a songwriter.


The story behind the song goes as follows: Fiona was driving with her dad after a recording session for Tidal when she mistook a plastic bag for a dove. She changed plastic to paper and used the song to talk about traumatic events in her past and mental health issues she was suffering from all while laughing at herself and her failed relationship. This authentic, beautiful writing connected with thousands of women and girls, of all ages. Myself included - and I heard it for the first time 21 years after it was released.


In February 2000, Fiona left the stage at New York City’s Roseland Ballroom after equipment issues and technical difficulties. Audiences reported that Fiona was apologizing for the sound and crying prior to leaving the stage. After completing the tour that year, she took a brief hiatus in Los Angeles.


Fiona returned to music and began recording her third album, Extraordinary Machine, in 2002 and in May 2003 the album was submitted to Sony executives. Prior to the album’s release, in 2004 and 2005, some of the tracks were leaked on the internet and then played on the U.S. and international radio. Then MP3s of the entire album went online. The website distributing the album was quickly shut down, but it was downloaded by fans and a fan-led campaign supported the album’s official release.


Fiona was reportedly not happy with this original release and pushed to re-record it for the 2005 release. Extraordinary Machine debuted at number seven and was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Pop Vocal Album and was eventually certified Gold.


My favorite song off this album (and probably of all time) is “Extraordinary Machine.” The song “Not About Love” is a close second, but when Fiona sang:

I am the baby of the family it happens so,

Everybody cares and wears the sheeps’ clothes while they chaperone

And also

If there was a better way to go then it would find me,

I can’t help it the road just rolls out behind me


I knew “Extraordinary Machine” was written for me.


Fiona’s fourth album was released in June 2012, titled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do. The album debuted at Number 3 on the Billboard 200, selling 72,000 copies in its first week. The album received a nomination at the 2013 Grammy Awards for Best Alternative Album. In 2020, Rolling Stone placed the album at Number 213 on its list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time.


My favorite songs off this album are “Every Single Night,” “Daredevil,” and “Left Alone.” The song “Left Alone” is the best recommendation I can give for an angsty girl anthem (in the best way possible).


Fiona’s fifth and most recent album Fetch the Bolt Cutters was released in 2020. The album won Best Alternative Music Album and lead single “Shameika” won Best Rock Performance at the Grammy Awards in 2021. This album brought Fiona a new generation of fans, as the songs were used on TikTok before all of Fiona’s discography was removed from the app.


This album has actually inspired the title of this blog and podcast. The song “Under the Table” features the lyrics:

Kick me under the table all you want

I won’t shut up

I won’t shut up


This album introduced Fiona to new fans because it is a great example of her talent. Authentic, intricate writing partnered with groovy, upbeat instrumentals.


Songs like “Relay,” “Drumset,” and “Shameika” are all great examples of repetitive, meaningful lyrics paired with loud rhythmic beats that end up feeling like powerful chants and mantras. It also shows Fiona’s maturity. The album feels like a big sister wrapping you up in her arms, telling you that whatever just happened, she’s been there and it’s going to be okay.


A perfect example of that is “Ladies.” This song is a great example of maturity and honesty. The lyrics are as follows:

Ladies, ladies, ladies

Take it easy, when he leaves me

Please be my guest

To whatever I might’ve left

In his kitchen cupboards

In the back of his bathroom cabinets,

And oh yes, oh yes, there’s a dress in the closet

Don’t get rid of it, you look good in it

I didn’t fit it, it was never mine,

It belonged to the ex-wife of another ex of mine

She left it behind, with a note.

One line, it said I don't know if I’m coming across, but I'm really trying.

She was very kind


The song “For Her” is the best example I can use as one of those shocking songs with intense lyrics accompanied by a fun funky beat that literally makes you forget about the intensity and seriousness of what Fiona is singing about. The song begins with a slow clap, joined by rhythmic clapping and the lyrics:

Look at how feather his cocks are

See how seamless his frocks are


Verse two continues on to say

Well maybe she’s got tired of

Watching him sniff white off a starlet’s breast

Treating his wife like less than a guest

Getting his girl to clean up his mess


And if you think these are intense, Fiona goes on to sing (with a funky background beat of course):

Well, good morning. Good morning

You r*ped me in the same bed

Your daughter was born in


Before I wrap up the Fetch the Bolt Cutters segment, I want to discuss the last song that changed my life: “I Want You To Love Me.” The following lyrics are probably my favorite of all time:

I move with the trees, in the breeze, I know that time in elastic

And I know, when I go, all my particles disband and disperse

And I’ll be back in the pulse.

And I know none of this will matter in the long run

But I know a sound is still a sound around no one

And while I’m in this body, I want somebody to want

And I want, what I want, and I want you to love me


Fiona Fun Facts


Now that I have detailed her entire discography and highlighted the legendary songs and lyrics of her career, I want to list some Fiona Fun Facts. These are random facts about Fiona that I can’t shut up about whenever someone brings her up (or I bring her up to someone):

  • Fiona covered The Beatles song “Across the Universe” for the movie Pleasantville, which is beautiful and the music video for that cover of the song is even more gorgeous.

  • Zach Galifianakis appeared in her music video for the song “Not About Love.” As her love interest.

  • She recorded a cover of “Sally’s Song” for the 2006 special edition release of the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.

  • She’s featured on a cover of the Christmas classic “Silent Night” released by Phoebe Bridgers (which makes me sob).

  • In an interview with Interview Magazine, Kanye West said he wanted to be the rap version of Fiona Apple. The two were interviewing each other, which makes this moment even better for me. (I share this fun fact with every male Kanye West fan)

  • According to Brandon Urie, “Every Single Night” was the inspiration for Panic at the Disco’s 2013 hit “Miss Jackson” which was originally named “Bad Apple” after the artist who rejected usage of a sample from her song.

  • Lil Nas X sampled “Every Single Night” in his song “Kim Jong” and Fiona called him out online asking him “where’s my money, you cute little guy?”

  • My personal favorite Fiona Fun Fact is that she told The New Yorker that she stopped doing a party drug after having an excruciating night with Paul Thomas Anderson & Quentin Tarantino.

  • There’s also this video of her listening to Quentin Tarantino talk about absolute nonsense which confirms the fun fact listed above.

Real Life Makes Real Art


Fiona Apple has not been afraid of talking about her traumatic past and mental health disorders. She has been candid about struggling with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression, and anxiety. At the young age of 12, she was attacked outside her Harlem apartment where she lived with her mom, step dad, and sister. After this, she restricted her eating in hopes to prevent her developing body from growing. She didn’t want there to be anything for men to grab.


She was quoted saying, “What was really frustrating for me was that everyone thought I was anorexic, and I wasn’t. I was just really depressed and self-loathing”. Her OCD contributed to this as it developed into avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, which required food to be a certain color or shape.


Fiona Apple copes with her trauma, pain, and mental health disorders through her art. She heals herself by writing and creating music. By doing so, she is healing thousands of listeners (mostly teenage girls) who have been in similar situations. Fiona has been quoted saying: “Every girl listening to this music knows what it's like to leave the house and look over your shoulder.”


So why is this music shamed? Why are women who are singing about what MEN do to them considered inappropriate and controversial? Why can Kanye West get away with so much when his lyrical idol, Fiona Apple, can’t even tell her audience to be true to themselves?


I had the idea of watching interviews where Fiona was uncomfortable or the interviewer was being rude (i.e., Howard Stern), but honestly I couldn't do it to myself because I didn't want to see that. I didn't want to listen to a patronizing interviewer talk to Fiona as if her quietness or shyness was some sort of evil characteristic. As if her not living up to the “women are always happy and full of energy” standard is something she should be ashamed of. When all her fans feel the exact same way that she does.


The one interview I will discuss is her 1997 interview with Jay Leno. In this interview, Fiona jokingly admitted that she was upset that Jay wanted to interview her after she performed on the late night show. She told the host she was glad she wasn’t an actor or comedian because then she would’ve been expected to talk with him for a while. Jay then poked fun at her, saying he “knows how shy” she is. Fiona cuts him off to say: “I’m not shy. That’s actually a big misconception about me. I’m not shy, I just don’t speak when I don’t have anything to say.”


Fiona then says that her demeanor isn’t because she’s shy, it’s because she has tact. Tact, meaning a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relationships with others and avoid offense. Sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. A characteristic that is incredibly important and seriously lacking in most people. Especially Jay Leno.


But Fiona doesn’t make music for people like Jay Leno. The people who truly enjoy her music, relate to her. We understand her. We empathize with her. We have been in the same situations as her.


So, if you haven’t listened to her, please do so. I promise, once you do, you will never shut up about Fiona Apple.


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